Librarians Everywhere Shocked by the Children’s Book of Necromancy
Magical tomes, dark secrets, an army of zombies mystical rituals held in the dark of night by black cloaked figures, a science lesson … wait,
Shocked Librarians
Librarians the world over are finding the Children’s Book of Necromancy a shocking surprise. Within the pages of this modern magical grimoire are secrets librarians’ never thought they would find.
“I was stunned,” one hapless librarian told me when I interviewed her. “And then I was, appalled, then I was surprised and then I was intrigued, after that there was acceptance and recovery. I still don’t know who could have written such a thing, but I am glad they did. We have to break out of our old ways of thinking and accept this new way of doing things. Raising the dead isn’t always the horror show we think it’s going to be. Libraries and bookstores everywhere should pick up this book.”
“Yeah, I get it,” said another librarian, “I am still shocked though.”
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A Children’s Book of Necromancy
To our concerned parents and faculty:
It has come to my attention that many of our students are in possession of “A Children’s Book of Necromancy,” written by Debrin Case and illustrated by Darcy Melton. The book encourages children to mesmerize up to twelve of their friends, then force them to unwillingly participate in ceremonies in which they reanimate the dead.
Although “A Children’s Book of Necromancy” is clearly marked “Not recommended for children” on the cover, it is a coloring book and sells for just $12 from Open Heart Publishing, an amount any child can save from their allowance.
The inherent danger of this book cannot be overstated, and parents should closely monitor their children’s phone calls and activities. Make sure you know where your child is going and what they are doing. If they seem confused or are acting strange, they may have become a victim of a necromancer.
If your child exhibits any of the following signs, especially following a telephone conversation, do not permit them to leave the house, and call a local clergy member to assist with exorcism.
· Swirling spirals in place of eyes
· Sudden willingness to follow commands
· Insistence upon leaving the house without a specified destination
· Penchant for dark robes
· Chanting or humming
As long as these reanimation ceremonies are kept to a minimum, our students need not fear the zombie horde. I know we can count on your help in these troubled times.
Sincerely,
Dr. Nigel Newsom
Headmaster, Schadenfreude Academy
